I Was Blind but Now I See

Having a life that prioritized my health wasn’t something I was taught and honestly, whenever health was brought up, I felt like one of the 3 blind mice… until 6 years ago. I was 24 years old and was at my max of 270lbs.

Growing up, I didn’t like veggies, or really anything that wasn’t a plan cheese burger with fries or a pepperoni pizza. Even when the family and I went to a mexican restaurant. Yup… I was the infamous “picky eater” of the family lol. I had yo-yoed in my weight all the way through college. Up 40 lbs, down 20, up 30, down 10… you get the picture.

Then in fall of 2017, after a disheartening 10 months of working in and seeing the political side of the church I was in desperate need of a fresh start. A friend shared an email invitation they recieved and it gave me an opportunity to refocus my life with a chance to live in Rome Italy!

This adventure was the catalyst that made me realize, all my over performing and volunteering in the Church was my cry for love, acceptance, and to feel like I was enough. I had been trying to prove to myself and the world that I was worthy enough to be seen and embraced. I was using others and God which was the last thing I ever wanted to do.

There were many events that went on when I was growing up that fed the thoughts and feelings of being worthless, a burden, and unlovable. Despite that, God pursued after me through so many people from infancy all the way through college that were tilling and planting his earnest love. Everything they did, came to fruition when I got to Rome.

I lived in Rome, Italy for 3 months, where I spent my 24th birthday, Thanksgiving (Italians know how to LEVEL UP this holiday for us Americans), and Christmas in the heart of the Christianity. It was a dream.

Not only did I live out my “what dreams are made of” moment, I met two of the most amazing human beings on this planet, John

and Ashley.

They were in the founders of the program I joined and soon became spiritual parents to me. They watered all the seeds that had been planted while I was growing up. They mentored me and helped me truly see that I was a gift. Not because I was working on their logo for the company or because I had years of experience serving in ministry. I had value simply for being me. Through them, I finally started to allow God’s love, mercy, and grace to penetrate my heart. I began to learn to love myself as a daughter of God.

I came back to the states and 3 months into the new year I knew I needed to make a big change. I packed my bags, moved to a city where I knew no one, and got a warehouse job working 10 - 12 hours 5-6 days out of the week. At the end of my first week I walked into a local gym, handed them my credit card, hired my first coach and never looked back.

It’s mind boggling to look back at God’s hand through my entire life. How so many wounds were allowed and later healed through my fitness journey. How HE used different coaches to educate, challenge, and inspired me. I can honestly say that what I have learned through the process has shown me that I not only love myself but I actually like who I am. Not because of the muscles I’ve gained (while I’m pretty proud of my build!) but because I know who I am. I am a daughter of the Almighty King and have a divine inheritance. I now have God - confidence!